Gooshing, face-scrunching embarassment

I'm probably too affectionate with some people in my life. In a gushing, sort-of-awkward way. Especially with my brothers. I think I get it from from my father. But I remember when I first started telling my brothers' I loved them. It was when I first left for college, when they were 13 and 15. We'd generally gotten along pretty well, especially since Ryan's best friend was my best friend's younger brother. But once I left, I felt a sort of gnawing sense of loss, like I was missing out. And I was. So I decided that I needed to tell my brothers I loved them, and often. So everytime I talked to one of them on the phone, I started ending the conversation with "I love you." And, it was weird at first, but I remember the first time I almost forgot, and was about to hang up, and Ryan chimed in with an expectatory "I love you." It was a home-run moment for me.

My dad always said if nothing else, my brothers and I would always have each other. And in many ways, especially when my parents were being yahoos, I felt that way. At least we have each other. We're very different people, but no one else knows what it's like to be a Sloger. I remember going to take pictures before Ryan's prom and Xmas Ball...and being the only nonparent there. But I thought it was important - somebody should be there to take his picture, even if it's just his older sister. Or going to see Zachary band play and calling for his advice on relationships. Or that Ryan came to visit me in nearly every single city I lived in since he's had his driver's license, even though my parents rarely did. While divorces, especially when you're a teenager, are hardly ideal, it did encourage me to create stronger and more affectionate relationships with my brothers. Maybe they wish I was a little less affectionate, especially when I used to call them at 3 in morning to "walk" me home from my bartending job, or gush about them openly in front of their friends, but it comes from the right place. And you don't get a second chance. I would never want either one to wonder for one second that I didn't admire and love them.

Now that I've thoroughly embarassed myself and my brothers, I have to add glowing words for Ryan's friends. I've known a few of these guys for nearly ten years (and Amy I've known for easily 15) but I am collectively enamored with all of them. When Ryan left town to go to school in Alaska, they threw him good-bye party and gave him an iPod! I'm pretty sure I got a hug and a handshake when I left for college. Regardless, these guys are sweet, loyal, interesting and affectionate. I've already treated a couple of them to one of my famous red wine-soaked late-night, overly affectionate emails. And of course, they love the crap out of my brother. If my brother ever needed a kidney, I'm fairly sure I'd have to fight with some of them for my place in line. There are a lot of things you can accomplish in this lifetime, like being able to breakdance or bake a perfect souffle or sail around Cape Horn, but whatever my brother did to merit such respect from his friends, that's what you're really supposed to be doing.

So it was a good Christmas. Not a great Christmas, but it was nice. Friends and family made it worth the trip home.

Pictures are up in my Flickr account. I'll post some here shortly.