Someone pays me for this, seriously

I have come to a realization. Teaching English to foreigners isn't hard, as long as they already speak English. Since you, the American, are an expert in English-speaking, (approximately 24 years of experience, as I noted in my resume) all you have to do, is correct them when it sounds a bit off-kilter:
"I am stressed when mother makes of me eat only carrot for the dinner because she reveals that I am too fat."
Easy, right? I can sit on my desk (you know, I'm a "casual" kind of teacher) and grin and correct them with easy confidence and even compassion. My wonderful students are eager to learn to speak English better because they realize, and admit freely, that English is slowly dominating communication across the globe and no one wants to be a loser in the game of globalization.

Last night, however, I taught a "Beginners" class. They too, want to take part in the global dominance of the English language, but barely know the alphabet. I have to admit that I am, in all honesty, somewhat higher than a beginner in Russian, but not quite intermediate. Like the kid in class that the teacher apologizes for and whispers, "Oh, and that's Joe...she's a little slow." My students only understand "Nice to meet you", and "That is a beautiful park" and "Look at my BMW" (I did, and both of them were very nice cars, I have to admit). So giving an English lesson to them meant that I should both speak Russian and know English really, really well. Well enough to explain the difference between a, some and any. And singular. And fucking busy. I attempted a charades version of "busy". They guessed "ill".

Student: (long question in Russian, I hear nothing until, "Understand?")
Me: Um, nyet. (No)
Student: (throws hands in air, laughing, long statement in Russian)
Me: Ok, super. (Look at board, look at book, look at watch). So, read this sentence please...

In the end, I was taught how to say busy, sentence, and river in Russian, and I think my students learned the word, "mountains." Very productive. At one point, I even had to ask them to cross out a part of the notes I told them to write down, because it was wrong. Just wrong.

Uh, кашмар. The only solice was that the two students thought I was at least funny enough that I should come back. He yelled to me as Jason and I were leaving:

"Hey, you should come back anytime. We will teach each other!"
He grinned, and then yelled to Jason, "She doesn't understand. Make sure to tell her what I said!"